the way we get by

Life is hard, man. I've been barely surviving on a minimum of three cups of coffee each day lately and it's getting worse. Soon I'll need like a bucket of coffee next to me at all times or maybe I'll just skip straight to the IV drip and renting a room in the nearest starbucks... or space under the counter of the nearest starbucks. Really I just need one of those armchairs and I'd be set.



I think making people work 8 hours a day is inhumane. I'm so used to high school... yeah, you have to get up early, but think about it, you're also done by three pm and have the whole afternoon to go on teenage antics and emo soul searches. That's the life, people, and the world doesn't even know it.
Now I'm commuting 40 Minutes each way to my unpaid internship and working at least 8 hours each day. When am I going to contemplate the meaning of the world and frustatedly paint my nails black, huh? That's right, any time during the half hour between getting home, eating dinner and falling asleep on a nondescript object.(or the floor. I've stopped being picky)
Not to mention socializing. My friends have the annoying habit of living in a time zone at least 6 hours behind mine... so yeah, that means more coffee. and more and more and soon I'll be such a caffeine nut that even the last couple months of IB hell (during which I stayed up only because I ignored the warning lable on monster drinks) will seem like the softcore version of 'the sound of music' or something.

Sigh. Cup three is sitting emptied next to me and I've been sitting here attempting to cut a segment for tonights show for the last three hours. Maybe totay will be the day that I become a 4 cup girl. maybe I should just get one of those backpacks that marathon runners wear to stay hydrated and fill it with coffee...
anyways, it's back to work for me now, arriverderci or however you spell goodbye in italian

red fingernails

 

Red Nails are a wonderful and fulfillingly girly thing.
And despite what my mom says about it, I kind of love it when bits of color start chipping off.
There's this beauty to it that I always stretch out until the last moment when, in an effort to at least try to convince people of my professionalism, I have to switch back to a sad, neutral, unchipped color.
Sigh... good bye red nails, at least for now ;D

No problemo muchachooo

So I realized I don’t have a problem.
I think that’s something we really need to bring to our own attention more often. I mean, it’s always ugh I hate this, I hate that, but in the grand total scheme of things, do we really have a problem? No. Maybe we even like hating those things.
What with moving and all that going on in my life I spent way too much time thinking I was miserable. But I needed to be miserable. Most of the time I wanted to be miserable. Man, I was mourning my old life, trying to hold on to the remnants of it. That’s fucking dark and deserves a proper period of depression, in my humble opinion. And it soothed my soul to just go rampant with sadness and question the universe and all that.
At times we just need to be put in a situation that makes us question everything. When we sit there sobbing and wet with tears at the end of it all, the happiness and relief will be so much more real. Sometimes I even think we can’t be happy without the ordeal – it might be something we really have to work for, to fight for with ourselves.
So now I’m sitting here, still in my parents’ house, still in this goddamn town I never wanted to return to and I don’t care. I don’t have a problem. It sounds crazy, I know. But I really don’t have a problem. I don’t know how that happened. I don’t know what magical occurrence made me come to terms with my situation. All I know is that I don’t have to like this place or these people or anything at all for that matter. I mean, lately I really don’t. But that doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. In fact I’m very happy to let myself feel whatever I’m feeling, no matter what. It makes me feel really really effing free. I don’t have to be happy on other people’s terms, I just have to be happy on mine.

The dangerous quest to a perfect cup of coffee (subtitle: I’ve forgotten everything I ever learned in Chemistry)

So it turns out I have allll the ingredients for a perfect frothy cup of coffee right here, at home, except the correct amount of stamina, it seems.

After resurrecting my old milk umm… ‘frother’ with a fresh set of AAs the other day I realized that the key to actually making milk foam with it is making the milk hot. It just never occurred to me that milk steamers do this too. (Although after 3 years of chem you’d hope the idea that steam is very hot water would have sunk in) Anyway, having had this realization, I proceeded to plop a mug of ye ol’ cow juice into the microwave and got brewin’ on my coffee. When the stuff was done I managed to be extremely smart for the second time that morning and in a horrifying sequence of events (I touched the mug, then screamed) managed to burn myself quite badly. Forgotten chemistry lesson of the day number two: When you heat things up, they become hot. Also, hot things are HOT.

When I had finally managed to fluff up the milk and begrudgingly spooned the froth into my coffee mug, my mood was down in the basement, bordering rage against all consumable substances. To be fair, I had not actually had any coffee yet, but in retrospect it still doesn’t justify needless discrimination against what is otherwise quite a nice category of things.

In my dazed state I couldn’t even manage to turn on the automatic focus on my (wayyyy too fancy and technical for me) camera and had to angrily do the focus manually.

That first hit uh… I mean sip of coffee felt darned good, I tell ya.

love

I haven’t written in a while.
I don’t know why I say that every time; after all you know it yourself. So really I don’t need to repeat it, but I still feel apologetic about my lack of posts either way. But what can you do, when the muse is visiting other people?
Work has been tough. Doing an internship is thankless and hard and nobody gives a damn about you. Well I shouldn’t say that. At times some of my coworkers have been incredibly kind to me. But I’m like a kid dragging her mom through the candy shop yelling “more, more, more!!!”
Everybody I love is so far away so I’m kind of starved for love. That’s probably the reason why it’s so hard to see the value of those little nice things people do. When you’re starving you become extremely narrow-minded. With insatiable hunger your eyes see only the things around you that are eatable. But your mouth dries up. That’s the irony of it all: if you eat too much too fast you’ll just puke it all out again, so you have to take in the food in small amounts.
Chewing something you want so much with so much patience. That’s the hardest part. Having to take such little bites, when you just want to stuff it all in your mouth and be full for one glorious moment.
It becomes worse when you’re talking imaginary food. [Yeah, I know I’m taking this metaphor quite far, too far, perhaps. Whatever, just roll with it. ] Because then you stuff your face with things that don’t exist you don’t even get the feeling of glorious fullness, you only get the nausea.
I miss my friends and my home, or what it used to be anyway.
It’s so hard to believe in something you can’t see right in front of you, but I know that you guys are there. You’re love is what’s keeping me going right now. Still, I just want somebody to hug me and tell me it’s going to be ok.

The pictures... I know. A miracle.

Photobucket was finally merciful and let me upload the pix yesterday. sadly they were huge.
It took me until just now to resize them on Gimp .... thank God I had something to procrastinate otherwise this might never have gotten done X_X

this here would be my room. as you can see I had already dumped most of my stuff on the bed before I took this picture... I'm a proper traveller after all ;D
I didn't spend much time in my beautiful abode - after all I was in Leipzig on what can be called business, which meant getting up at 7:30 am so I could be at the Project conference at 9am with a coffee in hand and halfway dressed/awake...
Most days I went with the rest of the team after the day's work was done (around 5pm) to talk and have dinner together. I'm kind of glad I didn't stay there for the week (they offered, but I'd already booked my room). It would have just been too much, especially considering my bathroom rituals. XD We'll all be rooming for the summer filming so I'll have that experience soon enough...

Besides, their view wasn't half as great as mine...
Check it out:




If you ignore the big construction site you can see all the beautiful old buildings across from my window.
I was right by the city center, five minutes from the trainstation. INSANELY great location. :)

I promptly went on an excursion to check out the city and frankly, that was my only one... after that I was so busy with the conference and getting to know the film crew that I had very little drive to go sightseeing by myself. But I'll be back - most team meetings and project conferences will be in Leipzig. Plenty of opportunities to see the Völkerschlachtdenkmal, eh?

The first thing I found was ... you guessed it... STARBUCKS XD
see it's gorgeous signature green to the right?


another street:


Anyways... as I already mentioned in the post before this one (the one that ended in rage... yes that one) I didn't really take great pictures on this trip... half the time when I saw great stuff I didn't have my camera with me (that thing is heavy)and (as I also mentioned) fog descended upon Leipzig soon after my arrival.
You've seen the window before... check out the after:






yep yep the only thing that looked good in that light/environment was this crazy sculpture thing that some people mistook for a place to put their shoes...




that's it for pics for now... I'll be posting about the actual project conference as soon as I can :D
for now just amuse yourselves with the pretty pictures haha

Update. Finally.

I promised Alice (HOI ALICE! this is a blog shout out! mwahaha) I'd update this baby yesterday, but I've just been too busy, so it had to wait until today.
So now I'm sitting here watching Castle (I'm still determining whether or not I like it or not ... ) and using my womanly multi-tasking skills to write this post.
Ah who am I kidding!?! I'm awful at multitasking. I'm typing this during commercial breaks XD
but the point is that it's getting done, eh?

But I know you're waiting for the juicy stuff, so I'll get started ;-D
My trip to Leipzig was AH-mazing. The city is beautiful, full of old architecture - old and ornate and goooorgeous. I thought I loved Berlin, but I hadn't been to Leipzig. Well, they're not really comparable - Berlin is the new world, Leipzig is all Goethe and Bach - like a frilly baroque dream.
It's much smaller than Berlin of course, but full of greenery and life. There are a ton of young people there to offset the oldtimey feel (it's a University city - my grandma went there) and if I may be so blunt: THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL. It's been said before that the girls of Saxony are the prettiest in Germany, but somehow they forgot to mention the boys XD * giggles * can we all say "Major Eyecandy", please?

Either way, I took my big, fancy camera with me to shoot the city in unpixelated splendor, but the weather didn't really cooperate. I took few decent shots on my first day, which was the only sunny day during my trip. After that, fog descended upon everything and you were lucky if you could see where you were walking (aka not great lighting conditions for photography).

But believe it or not, there ARE pictures. Sadly (and let me tell you I am currently trying to control my rage right now... I'm typing REALLY forcefully) neither blogger nor photobucket will let me upload anything.
Seriously. I'm starting to hate the internet. First I can't post on google chrome and now this...
Well, until it's fixed (and by then I'll have banged my head against the wall a few times) you'll have to deal with the big fat lack of pictures. Blame the internet. Yes.